Your Spouse, Your God, You.

I saw this post by a virtual friend, Peter Adeosun, on facebook yesterday, and after reading, I wondered why we humans forget that simple truth; that we are all created in God's image and likeness, and as such, we should cherish and respect others, particularly those closest to us, as we would God.

Enjoy.

Today's Saturday & many weddings will happen today. Here's what I have to say about how to solve ALL marital problems. No marital problem would exist if folks could follow these principles. People who claim to believe in God wouldn't have marital problems only if they would treat their spouses like they treat God....

Only if they would wake up in the morning & first thing do a 'quiet time' 'praying' to their spouses like they would do to God...

Only if they would spend the whole day to 'commune' closely with their spouses the way they commune with God...

Only if they would apologize to their spouses for everything the way they ask for forgiveness from God...

There are times when people are pushed to blame God but they won't. They would rather blame just about anything/anybody else (including themselves) than blame God. Only if people would rather blame just about anything/anybody else (including themselves) than blame their spouses for whatever has happened...

People always give testimonies of only the good things their God does for them. They wouldn't even believe that their God can do anything evil. Only if they would similarly overlook their spouses' weaknesses & instead testify to the good things their spouses do for them...

Only if they would politely tell their spouses what they want them to do without shouting or harassing them like they would tell God what they want him to do for them without insulting him...

Only if they wouldn't do what their spouses wouldn't want whether in their presence or absence the same way they wouldn't do what the God they can't see doesn't want...

Nobody has ever seen God. Yet they're so committed to him. Only if people wouldn't let the prolonged physical absence of their spouses reduce their commitment...

God works in very mysterious ways. He has the most complex mind in existence but somehow people still claim to understand how God thinks & what he wants. Only if people would similarly understand their spouses & not hide behind the supposed impossibility of understanding how members of a particular gender think & what they want....Only if they would decode their spouses' minds like they readily decode the most complex mind in existence...

Only if they would feel highly privileged to have been chosen & loved by their spouses like they feel privileged to have been chosen/elected by their God...

People have been reading the same holy books & talking about the same God for millenia & this God is still new to them every morning. Only if their spouses would still be new to them every morning even after 70 years of marriage...

People notice that their love for God is waxing cold & they do some things to reignite it. Only if they would similarly watch their love for their spouses & reignite it when they notice it's growing cold...

Other Gods are being advertised around them but they keep to their God. They can't be distracted/attracted away from their God to strange gods. Even when the road is rough, they sing 'I've got my mind made up & I won't turn back'. Only if they would defy all other folks advertising themselves to them & stick to their spouses similarly... Only if they would similarly 'get their minds made up' as to not be lured away from their spouses to strange men & women...

People still keep on worshipping their God wholeheartedly even when he hasn't taken them out of extreme poverty, barrenness & suffering. They claim that their relationship with God is more than riches & good things of this world. Only if they would similarly stick to their spouses even if there's no child, money, shopping spree in Dubai, etc...

People value their relationships with their God so much that they say their relationship with their God is personal & nobody can come in between. Only if they would keep their relationship with their spouses similarly personal & not expose it to the third party...

People strive to conduct themselves in such a manner as to protect the image of their God (i.e. to not let the name of their God be 'spoken evil against'). Only if they would conduct themselves similarly as to protect the image of their spouses...

People believe they can't keep secrets from God. So they tell God everything & ask for guidance. Only if they would similarly keep no secrets from their spouses & then inform their spouses about every little detail of their plans...

I can go on & on but I have to stop. However it's important to note that this is in total contrast to what people are told. Usually the man is told to develop a personal relationship with God. The wife is also told to develop a personal relationship with God. Then they're both told to bond together via God. Is God some sort of socket/adaptor via which you can connect 2 separate things? Thus you come up with 2 individuals who are completely married to their Gods & but not to their spouses. They spend all the time fellowshipping with the God they can't see while neglecting each other that they can see. I'm fact they're so bonded with their God that they start to hallucinate by noticing that God is showing them that their spouse is evil & that they should separate from their spouse. Instead what if they're told to bond to each other with the same avidity with which they're told to individually bond to God?

DUCKS QUACK, EAGLES SOAR.

Hey.
I read this, which was posted to one of the WhatsApp groups I belong to, and I was really inspired by the story.
I guess this means a lifestyle change.

Enjoy!


DUCKS QUACK, EAGLES SOAR.

I was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing I noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for me.

He handed me a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wasu, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.'

Taken aback, I read the card. It said: Wasu's Mission Statement:
 To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.

This blew me away, especially when I noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!

As he slid behind the wheel, Wasu said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.'

I said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.'

Wasu smiled and said, 'No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, lassi, water and orange juice.'

Almost stuttering, I said, 'I'll take a Lassi.'

Handing me my drink, Wasu said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Hindu, Times of India, ET and India Today.'

As we were pulling away, Wasu handed me another laminated card, 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.'

And as if that weren't enough, Wasu told me that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for me.

Then he advised me of the best route to my destination for that time of day. He also let me know that he'd be happy to chat and tell me about some of the sights or, if I preferred, to leave me with my own thoughts.

I was amazed and asked him, 'Tell me, Wasu, have you always served customers like this?'

Wasu smiled into the rear view mirror. 'No, not always. In fact, it's only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard about the power of choice one day.'

'Power of choice is that you can be a duck or an eagle.'

'If you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself.

'Don't be a duck. Stop complaining. Be an eagle.' Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.'

'That hit me right,' said Wasu.

'It is about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were
 unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.'

'I take it that has paid off for you,' I said.

'It sure has,' Wasu replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on it.'

Wasu made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.

 A great Thought...

"You don't die if you fall into water, you die only if you don't swim."

Joy in the little...

“The small things of life were often so much bigger than the great things . . . the trivial pleasure like cooking, one's home, little poems especially sad ones, solitary walks, funny things seen and overheard.” 
― Barbara Pym. 

Life too short to wait for the big bang which will make you happy. Over time, a lot of the so called little things have spiced up my life:

• Fresh bread
• The aroma of rain
• Natural spices
• Shower gel/Body wash
• Fried plantain
• Making lists
• Rom Coms
• Miniatures
• The smell of a new book
• The sky the morning after a heavy downpour
• Shea butter
• Toblerone
• Curly, squiggly handwriting
• Mascara
• Cursive
• Coca-Cola
• Early morning coffee
• Danish tinned cookies
• My bookcase
• Cooking
• Reading
• Tea cups
• Long cold showers on hot days
• Vanilla ice cream
• Bear hugs
• Bougainvillea hedges
• Eternity moment/Eternity night
• Doodling
• Cold floors
• My hot water bottle
• Maryland chocolate chip cookies
• Babies
• People's friend

What makes you happy?

Juxtaposing unconsciously?

I was thinking about stem cell research and all the hullabaloo plus theological dust it has raised, while cutting an 'agric' frozen chicken into pieces, tut tutting over the very soft bones, and comparing it with a local chicken.

Then the juxtaposition quietly gave me a tap on the side of my head.

And I started thinking about church thanksgivings. 

My judgement in this time of no electricity....

There has been no electricity supply since Saturday morning.
As I'm wearing my last ironed shirt this morning (that's my size; the devil sat on my shoulder sometime back, and told me my bigger shirts will size me so I should iron them), maybe it's time to review this dress code policy. If there's no electricity tomorrow, it seems my jeans and T-shirt code of dressing in my past will resurrect again.
The end.

Focus...

"To live through an impossible situation, you do not need the reflexes of a Grand Prix driver, the muscles of a Hercules, the mind of an Einstein. You simply need to know what to do".
                                         Anthony Greenbank.

I found this quote in a textbook on neonatal emergencies, which I recently bought. And the last part of the quote made a lot of sense.
Many times, we flounder, going round the same issue, expending so much energy in trying to solve issues, which we eventually cannot solve, because we find it difficult to focus.
In this present day mix of Generation X & Millennials how easy is it to focus? Or, how easy is it NOT to?

Mischief redefined.

                             Marriage /'marɪdʒ/
Noun or verb; depending on how you view it.

From the perspective of the typical Nigerian mother :- Solution to all problems of a single Nigerian female. Problems which include, and are not limited to, paying bills, dealing with workmen, barrenness, poor appetite, weeping all night because of loneliness. 
P.S. Most of the above problems happen to be from the overactive imaginations of worried mamas.

From the perspective of the young married woman:- Having a fully grown male as both your lover and your first born child.

                             Spinster /'spɪnstə/
Adjective.

A state a lot of women powerfully reject for their daughters, even those who are still in the cradle.

                                 Pain /peɪn/
Adjective most definitely.

Sensation felt after throwing a French fry straight from hot oil into the mouth.

KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES, AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN-BETWEEN.

In today's culture of consumerism, success is measured in terms of what you have, against what you do not have but may have soon, and what you do not have and may never have.
To be seen as a successful family, you must:-

• Have organised, at least, one owanbeish party
• Live in a highbrow area of town
• You and your spouse must each have, at least, a car (not moto)
• Have wardrobes filled with designer clothes and accessories
• Be able to afford having your children in very expensive schools (even if they learn next to nothing)
• Maintain household staff.

But the question is, can we no longer measure success in terms of contentment and happiness?

We have become a set of people who now reach for things way beyond us. Not because we need them, but because we want to be part of the 'It' set.
Our family values have been damaged and somewhat forgotten in the rat race, trying to keep up with societal expectations. Children recognise their parents but do not know them. Parents are aware that their DNAs are in their children but, apart from knowing for sure that they named their kids, there is a disconnect between the children and their parents. We are slowly, but surely killing ourselves with work to be able to afford luxuries we cannot enjoy.
Somehow, we have forgotten that life is not like what is depicted in glamour magazines. Rather it is a continual struggle to make our lives and the lives of those around us better, not necessarily materially. And in seeking what we cannot afford, we neglect those who we are supposed to love and care for. Every family cannot be the same. We are all different and unique, and our uniqueness is necessary to spice up the drabness of our lives.

Unfortunately, we are now a Stepford community.

P.S. Say a prayer for the Orekoya children who were kidnapped on 8th April, 2015. We can only hope that they are safe.

SEXUALITY EDUCATION: AN ESSENTIAL CURRICULUM FOR CHILDREN AND YOUNG ADULTS

 A talk given by Kofoworola Adeoye-Famosa (RN, RPd. N), on 18th March, 2015, at St. James’ Catholic Church, Sabo-Oke, Ilorin.

It is generally an assumption that the word ‘sexuality’ denotes sexual intercourse. However, even though sexual intercourse is a part of sexuality, it is not the complete definition of sexuality. To understand the topic better, it is essential to understand how a child develops sexually (physically).

Experts claim that male foetuses (babies still in the womb) experience erections of the penis. This phenomenon has been noticed during ultrasound scans of pregnant women. Female babies also have vaginal lubrication. These may not be related to sexual stimulation. Once a baby finds his/her fingers and toes, the genitals will definitely be found, and the baby seems to experience a pleasurable sensation from touch, which may not be seen as a sexual experience.

As toddlers, children get to know their gender, when they are taught by their parents, and through play, start realizing the genital difference between males and females.

Due to production of hormones, physical changes begin to manifest, starting with the girl child. The first change noticed is the development of breast buds, usually between the ages of eight and thirteen years. What follows after is the growth of public hair, and then commencement of menstruation. During this period, there is a rapid increase in height and weight, with body fat being distributed to the breasts and hips. For the boys, the first change is the thinning of the scrotum, so as to accommodate the testicles which are growing in size. As the penis grows, the larynx (voice box) changes, which affects the voice. As the growth is still on going, the voice sometimes maintains its childish tone, and may suddenly change to a deeper timbre. Wet dreams or seminal emissions also occur, and there is a rapid increase in height, after the females.

It is important for parents to know these changes and be able to discuss issues regarding them, and sexuality with their children, so that they are not misguided by their friends and the media.

So the question. What is sexuality? 

The truth of the matter is, sexuality is difficult to define, because it is something that is highly personal, and each individual develops and expresses it based on his or her experience in life. A lot of dictionaries however define it as the quality or state of being sexual. Being sexual is not an end product of marriage and regular sexual intercourse. We are all sexual beings because we have desires for:-

• Love
• Affection
• Acceptance of self
• Acceptance of self by others
• The development of a loving relationship
• Sexual gratification.

Each of the above desires apparently leads to the other, i.e without love, there is no affection and without affection, an individual can find it difficult to accept his/herself for who he/she is. The implication is, once a step is missed, it could be disastrous either sooner or later.
Sexuality can be divided into the following categories:-

• Body parts: This has to do with the physical characteristics of the person, whether male or female, as this forms a basis of how you will be viewed in the society.
• Gender identity: Children learn early the distinctions between a male and a female, and identity themselves based on their physical characteristics.
• Gender role in the society:- Based on the identity of an individual, there are certain roles which are for men e.g. being a breadwinner/head of the family, and for women e.g. home makers.
• Sexual orientation
• Body image:- This is based on how we view our physical selves, and our acceptance of who we are.
• Sexual experiences, thoughts, ideas and fantasies.

All these are however affected by how the media, family, friends, religion, age group portray sexuality, our life goals and self esteem, and by how we experience intimacy, touch, love, compassion, joy and sorrow. Therefore, sexuality is a part of our inner selves, and is expressed in the way we speak, smile, stand, sit, dress, dance, laugh and cry; making it an integral part of who we are, what we believe, what we feel, and how we respond to others.

Every individual will, one day, have to make decision or changes with regard to their emotional, sexual and reproductive health. But the unfortunate thing is a lot of people are not knowledgeable enough to make decision that will affect them positively. Therefore, there is a need for sexuality education.

Sexuality education is defined as a life long process of acquiring information, and forming attitudes, beliefs and values as regards sexual development, sexual and reproductive health, interpersonal relationships, affection, intimacy, body image and gender roles.

Unconsciously, children commence their sexual education from birth. How? Immediately after delivery, most midwives ask the mother to identify the baby’s gender i.e if the baby is male or female. Babies are also wrapped in the softest shawls, carried with care, and receive lots of love and care. Children also learn about love, touch, relationships, sexual behaviors, attitudes and values from their families. And as they grow, they learn from friends, television programmes, music, books, advertisements, the internet and youth programmes in schools or religious places of worship.

The goal of a well planned school based sexuality education programme is to help young people build a foundation as they mature into sexually health adults, and are structured to complement and augment education received at home, church, and from health care professionals, bearing in mind the values and beliefs of that community. So far, the Nigerian school curriculum does not include a comprehensive sexuality education package. Rather the focus is on pubertal changes, and reproduction. A lot of children grow up with huge defaults in their sexual lives as they grow older.

What does sexuality education achieve? These can be found in the goals of sexuality education, which include:-

• To provide accurate information about human sexuality.
• To provide an opportunity to develop and understand their values, attitudes and insights about sexuality.
• To help young people develop relationships and interpersonal skills.
• To help young people exercise responsibility regarding sexual relationships, which include addressing abstinence, pressures to become prematurely involved in sexual intercourse, and sexual health measures.

The planned out curriculum also provides age appropriate information, and includes scientifically accurate, curriculum based information about human development, and helps to encourage confidence and improved communication skills. Human rights issues and gender equality are also integrated; reflecting human rights protection, fulfillment and empowerment, impact of gender discrimination, sexual abuse, and gender-based violence and harmful practices e.g. female circumfusion.

A lot of parents may be worried about the negative effects of sexuality education. However, sexuality education DOES NOT lead to early sexual activity or risky sexual behavior, since education gives rise to empowerment and better decision making. In fact, addressing gender and power issues leads to better health outcomes in our society.

Thank you for listening.

Orubebeism (adj):

The ability of an adult to behave like a 2 year old, who has been denied a bar of chocolate during the period of Lent.

IMPERFECT BEING PERFECT.

For some time now, I’ve been thinking about how imperfections are made perfect by God’s grace and honest hard work.

Then I looked at my hands.

In recent times, my hands, to me, seem to be the most disgraceful ever, because they are not in proportion to the rest of my body. My frame looks tiny, but my hands look big.

Out of place.

Odd.

Wide and massive.

Ugh!

And I looked again, and remembered the things I’ve done with them: The times I had touched people to give comfort and express my quiet sympathy. The bear hugs I receive and give in union with my arms. The meals I have cooked for the ones I love, friends and family members alike. The newly born babies I carried and cared for, and touched with love and in awe of God’s wonderful works of creation.  The times I poured my frustrations and emotions into bits of paper and a pen when spoken words are inadequate. Hands that have joined in the effort to pray the Rosary. The way I gesticulate to make a point. Fetching water. Being the handy (wo)man of the house.

My hands may look imperfect. But they are imperfectly perfect.

And they are mine.